Let’s talk about something I’ve seen time and time again shape the success (or failure) of leaders – emotional intelligence.
Not just a fluffy buzzword, but a real, measurable skill set that can completely transform how we lead and connect with others.
The term Emotional Intelligence (EI) was coined back in 1990 by psychologists Salovey and Mayer. In simple terms, EI is the ability to perceive, understand, evaluate, and manage emotions – both your own and those of the people around you.
But for now, let’s focus on the part of EI that’s all about you: personal competence
So, what is personal competence?
It’s the foundation of emotional intelligence and includes two key areas:
- Self-awareness: Recognising what you’re feeling and understanding how it impacts your behaviour and decisions.
- Self-management: Taking that awareness and using it to stay calm, think clearly, and act with purpose.
These aren’t just nice-to-haves. They’re the traits that separate okay leaders from truly great ones.
In fact, research shows that up to 90% of top performers score high in emotional intelligence, and that’s no coincidence.
Let’s start with self-awareness:
Ever worked with someone who seems grounded, authentic, and quietly confident?
Chances are they’re emotionally self-aware. Leaders with this kind of self-knowledge:
- Are honest about their strengths and their blind spots.
- Invite feedback instead of avoiding it.
- Use their gut instincts and values to navigate tricky decisions.
- Know the impact their mood has on the team, and take responsibility for it.
And they don’t fake it.
This isn’t about being “perfect”, it’s about being real, open, and willing to grow.
Then there’s self-management:
It’s one thing to recognise how you’re feeling but quite another to respond (not react) under pressure.
Self-managed leaders:
- Keep their cool in a crisis.
- Communicate clearly, even when things are tough.
- Bounce back from setbacks without dragging the team down.
- Stay optimistic and proactive.
Here’s the kicker: emotions are contagious.
If you’re stressed, negative or overwhelmed, that energy ripples out but if you’re steady, optimistic, and resilient – your team will feel that, too.
Why does this matter?
Because leadership is emotional work.
You’re influencing people’s engagement, their sense of purpose, their loyalty, even how safe they feel speaking up.
According to Daniel Goleman (Primal Leadership), 50–70% of how people perceive their organisation’s climate comes down to the leader’s emotional tone. That’s huge.
So, if you want to be the kind of leader people want to follow, not just have to follow, it starts with mastering your own emotional world first.
- Want to lead better?
- Want to inspire trust and loyalty?
- Want to make better decisions and build stronger teams?
Start with you.
Emotional intelligence isn’t “soft stuff”, it’s the hardest, smartest leadership skill there is.
Thanks for reading, I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences around EI and leadership in the comments.
Until next time…
