“How you doing mate?”
“Yeah, good mate”
“Really? Doesn’t sound like it…”
“Nah, I’m fine”
“You sure? It’s alright if you’re not…”
Silence
More silence
“Actually, things are a bit challenging at the moment”.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Sure, thanks, I guess.”
“I’ll get us another bottle of Malbec…”
Not word for word, but close.
The Comfort of Good Friends
I’m lucky. I’ve got friends who listen to me and I listen to my friends. We’ve got this silly joke about the three of us sharing a brain cell, have differing views on what formation QPR should play and we’re all in solid, comfortable lives.
That doesn’t mean life doesn’t remind us it can be tough on occasions. And on occasions it can feel tough all the time.
Not Everyone Has a Safe Space
Not everyone is as lucky as I am. Not everyone gets to have a man space where they can be vulnerable, honest and open where the only response is jokes. You laugh along but inside wish they’d shut up, just for once so you can tell them, your ‘friends’ how you really feel.
Yesterday was international men’s day and I was privileged to be on a panel for CPA Australia – the theme “Seen, Heard, Understood”.
We talked about all sorts of things and could have gone on for hours. More fireside chat (no animal skins and clubs) than audience directed monologues.
We covered creating protected space for talking about wellbeing, why men struggle to talk beyond the surface of what matters and why we hide behind banter.
The Pressures Men Carry
There was discussion around the pressures of measuring up professionally, emotionally, physically. We chatted about vulnerability, healthier self-perception and most importantly where to go for help.
It was an open, honest, vulnerable conversation. We shared stuff with 400 odd people and each other.
Why Talking Matters
It’s important this stuff.
It stops men quietly dying inside, a little more each day until they feel they can’t shrink any further.
It saves lives.
When I get the recording, I’ll share it with you.
A Gentle Call to Action
Talk to each other. More importantly, listen to each other. With compassion, with empathy, with respect.
Without judgement.
Pick up the phone and let your mates know you’re there, that you care.
You never know what a difference it could make.
As Bob Hoskins once said.
“It’s good to talk”.
It’s even better to listen.
