I used to be a serial yes-sayer, until I discovered the power of saying no!
Yes – of course I will do that favour for you, even though it’s really short notice!
Yes – of course I can squeeze another meeting in, even though my diary is rammed and it means I will have to shift other things around.
Yes – of course I can take on another task, even though it means I will have to work late and cancel my own plans to get it done.
I genuinely wanted to help and, if I’m being honest, saying yes felt easier than dealing with the discomfort of saying no, even though it meant that I was stretching my time beyond its limits.
I’d end up overwhelmed, exhausted, and frustrated—mostly with myself. Because while I was busy pleasing everyone else, my own priorities were getting pushed further and further down the list.
It came to a head when I was out with my daughter and I answered my (work) mobile for about the fourth or fifth time that morning. The next thing I knew, she’d knocked the phone out of my hand and it disappeared into a bush (never to be seen again), shouting “You’re always on the phone daddy, why don’t you play with me?”.
That was my wake-up call. I realised I needed to set boundaries—not just for my own sanity, but to actually be more effective in my work and life.
Then, I heard a phrase that changed the way I think about saying no:
“Every yes to something unimportant is a no to something that matters.”
And that hit hard.
Because the truth was, I wasn’t just saying yes to other people—I was saying no to my own time, my own goals, my own well-being.
Why Is Saying No So Hard?
First, let’s get one thing straight: If you find it hard to say no, you’re not alone.
Most of us have been conditioned to believe that saying yes makes us:
✅ Helpful
✅ Reliable
✅ A team player
Meanwhile, saying no can make us feel:
❌ Selfish
❌ Uncooperative
❌ Like we’re letting people down
Saying no isn’t about rejecting people—it’s about protecting your time and energy and the people who genuinely respect you will also respect your boundaries.
How to Say No (Without Feeling Guilty)
I’ll be honest, the first time I tried to say no, I felt so uncomfortable but the more I did it, the easier it go — and more importantly, people didn’t react as badly as I thought they would.
Here are the strategies that worked for me:
1. Be Polite But Firm
Saying no doesn’t mean being rude or dismissive. You can acknowledge the request without automatically agreeing to it.
- “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I can’t take that on right now.”
- “Thanks for asking! I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity at the moment.”
This way, you’re still being professional and considerate without putting extra work on your plate.
2. Offer an Alternative (If You Can)
If you do want to help but just don’t have the capacity right now, offering an alternative can be a good middle ground.
- “I can’t do that today, but I could help next week.”
- “I’m not the best person for this, but [Name] might be able to help.”
This allows you to stay helpful without overloading yourself.
3. Set Boundaries in Advance
If people know you’re always available, they’ll keep asking. But if you set clear boundaries, people will start respecting your time more.
For example:
– If you don’t want to answer emails after 6 PM, stop responding outside those hours.
– If your calendar’s full, let people know you’re unavailable rather than trying to squeeze in “just one more thing.”
– If someone repeatedly asks you for favours, be upfront: “I have a lot on my plate, so I can’t take on extra tasks right now.”
When you take your boundaries seriously, others will too.
4. Remind Yourself That No is a Complete Sentence
Not every no requires a long explanation. Sometimes, the best response is just a simple, clear no.
“I can’t commit to that.”
“I’m not available for this.”
Over-explaining makes it sound like you’re looking for permission to say no. You’re not.
5. Flip the Perspective: Saying No to One Thing Means Saying Yes to Something Else
When I started viewing my time as valuable, it became easier to say no. Because every time I said yes to something that wasn’t important, I was saying no to:
- My own priorities
- My mental well-being
- My ability to work effectively
So instead of thinking “I feel bad for saying no,” I started thinking “I feel good about protecting my time for what truly matters.”
What Happened When I Started Saying No?
At first, I worried that saying no would upset people or make me seem difficult. But something interesting happened:
- People respected my time more – They stopped assuming I was always available.
- I felt less stressed – No more stretching myself too thin.
- I got more done – Without constant distractions, I could actually focus.
And perhaps the most surprising part? The more I said no, the easier it became.
Because setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away—it’s about making space for the things that truly matter.
So if you’re struggling to say no, I challenge you to try it. Even just once.
– Say no to a meeting you don’t need to be in.
– Say no to an extra task when your plate is already full.
– Say no to something that doesn’t align with your priorities.
It might feel uncomfortable at first—but trust me, your future self will thank you.
If you need help learning to say no, sign up for your free place on our Foundations of Success workshop, just add the code ATVIP at checkout to zero the fee.
