Josie and I recently had one of those ‘deep and meaningful’ conversations that (I believe) only dads and daughters can have together. It was about decision making and how choice can sometimes create anxiety or even fear.
She attends Scouts on a Wednesday night (yes, she’s a girl but Bear Grills had a word so they let girls in now) and she’s about to grow out of it as they have an upper age limit. The head Squirrel has suggested that Josie and a couple of her friends move ‘up’ to Explorers a few months early.
She loves the suggestion but this group would clash with Air Cadets which she attends on Thursday nights. The head racoon is trying to convince her to drop Air Cadets.
She’s a bit stuck. Josie loves Scouts, always looks forward to it and enjoys the ranges of activities they engage in. She also really likes Air Cadets. She has made lots of friends and she got to fly a plane last summer. Flight sergeant shouty wants her to stay in Air Cadets.
I’m refusing to make the decision for her. I don’t know if that makes me a good dad or a bad dad but I’ve always tried to just lay the options out for her, help her with the process and then let her make the ultimate decision.
I believe she needs to learn to make decisions. She needs to have confidence in herself that she can make those decisions and stand by them whether they are good or not. I believe having the confidence to work your way through the choices put in front of you every day and make tough decisions is what creates success.
Too many people just don’t do this.
They bury their heads in the sand. They allow others, ultimately to choose for them and then wonder whey are not happy with where they have ended up. At least if you’re going to be unhappy, make a decision to be so.
To top this off, Josie is now being pressured by various factions (sounds like an Episode of GoT) to take part in the Duke of Edinburgh awards.
Because she’s feeling under pressure with the Scouts/Air Cadet’s situation she now feels overwhelmed with all the choices put in front of her. All the confidence she had has just melted away and last week she refused to even entertain considering DofE.
So, we had the chat.
We worked through all the options and the pros and cons of each decision. This has given her the confidence to make a decision from the choices in front of her. Josie went to school on Monday morning with a plan and some clarity on what she had to do.
She feels in control and has the confidence to choose.
Do I care what she chooses? A little but it’s her choice. If I made the decision for her, all I’d do is undermine her ability to decide for herself. I’d reduce her power to choose and ultimately end up with a daughter less confident than she is now.
I’ve been asked to deliver a section at the upcoming ‘Confidence Breakthrough’ event in London in November which I’m really looking forward to. It’s actually meant swapping weekends with my ex-wife although I did give Josie the choice of what she wanted to do!
There are seven workshops over two days and I’ve ‘chosen’ to deliver the section entitled ‘Define your success’. You know that’ll be something I’ll get stuck into!
Why am I telling you this? Simply because tickets for the event are just £97 for two whole days of learning. Here’s the thing, though – I’ve got some tickets for just £47.
If confidence is something you sometimes struggle with, why not come along?
If you’re interested, use this link to book a place. You’ll need to use the promotional code Ashdisc to get your ticket at £47. If you’re not interested and you’re super confident already then maybe pass it on to someone you know.
Quite frankly, £47 is less than a round of drinks in my local. Even if you came for one session (mine ideally) and a free coffee it’d be worth it!
I’ll leave it up to you. After all, I’m not going to decide for you!
Maybe see you there.